Honesty in Our Relationships

The following in a piece I wrote for our November Newsletter at church.  I read it again when it came out, and I was struck by a few things.  Our family just suffered a loss of my great-uncle, and so I was able to mourn and celebrate his life with them this weekend.  Family and friends came from all over the world to recognize Chuck's life.  One thing that really stuck out to me during his service was how close his family was.  His widow, children and grandchildren were all surrounding him- and they did that in unity.  It also gave my immediate family a reason to get together, and in spending time with everyone, I realized how unity looks different with different relationships.  Blood relations are a blessing most of the time in my life, and I realize how fortunate I am to have that.  However, I think that when we choose to invest in those relationships, the way that we do with friends made outside of those familial ties, there are now new requirements of them.  It's no longer enough to be family- we need to recognize the need and commonality we share in our willingness to be vulnerable and accountable to and with one another.  Hence my tie-in to the newsletter article.  How does one navigate the role of family and relationship in a professed-Christian context?  The "should-be" versus the "how it is" tends to show up very differently here.

"On our Jr. High retreat this fall, we talked about what our relationships look like with nature, God and each other.  It was crazy to see how introducing a single wolf species back into Yellowstone National Park changed not only the food chain, but the river and water structures in the park.  We then learned about our relationship with God changes the landscape of our lives- and in the most important ways, with our relationships with each other.  The biggest take away there was that we need to feel completely comfortable with one another- be our true selves- so that we can work together to do Kingdom work!  While this is definitely challenging for middle and high school students, it's still hard for us as adults.  The last speaker asked us to identify what it is in our lives that holds us back from being honest with our fellow believers... what is it for you? Are we fearful of being judged?  Jesus calls us to love (Matt. 7:1-29).  Are we not willing to be held accountable?  Paul tells us that we are to do that as brothers and sisters in Christ (Gal.6:1-5).  Do we think we need to be strong enough, or put together enough, to weather life alone? We are a part of the same body.  If we believe that we are working in God's project of redemption for this world and all people, then we have to do it together. 

"For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body." - 1 Corinthians 12: 12-22

We need each other, in our brokenness and our hurt, just as much as in our wholeness and strength.  So what is it that is holding you back from honest, accountable and growing relationships with your brothers and sisters?  Are you willing to admit to those withholds and  begin to try to live in to an authentic relationships with the members of this church?  If we can't do that with one another, who else can we do that with?

This journey to authentic community is what we are striving towards in our youth groups this year, but I would ask the church as a whole to consider what this looks like for us as well.  It is challenging, but it is good work, and we aren't alone.  Our sustaining God is the support that makes this journey bearable, and he places each other in our lives for a reason.  Let us participate in that fully!"

Thoughts? 

Being Stretched

Well, our family is about a month into this seminary/youth ministry/living-as-an-adult-with-your parents thing... and it is something else!

I have never felt as alive as I feel in my studies.  The affirmation that God injects into my day and my classes lets me know that I am doing the right thing.  And lets me know how little I know!  That was actually one of the things I was really looking forward to prior to heading to school... the lack of knowledge.   I thought that it might just let God work in way that I couldn't predict. Before I left for school, a few friends made a joke about a theologian, but I had no idea who they were talking about, and started to get quite self-conscious about how little I knew.  Was I going to be in way over my head?  So here are some things I have learned:

My small view of God is completely inadequate.  God is bigger than anything I could ever comprehend.  He is reflected in every person we come across, in every piece of creation and has His hand in everything that provides real sustenance and joy.  God will never fit into some neat story, and I'm never going to figure him out all the way, but I can forever live in His world and continue to seek out new facets of his character.

God has me working with students during this time for a reason.  When this started in the summer, I felt like I was just doing this out of the need that the church had, and I knew I could fill it.  Brian Z.  saw something different... and so did Brad.   The students that I have the privilage of getting to know give me such confidence in the fact that God continues to work.  They are compassionate and smart and witty and trying to find out who God is calling them to be.  How they fit in to his project.  I learn so much from walking through life with them!  Who knows if this is a door into something bigger, or if it's just a gifting I've received during this season... but I love it!

I couldn't do this alone.  We recognized pretty quickly how much this was going to be... and not just from the bug-eyes I got from second or third-years when I told them how many hours I was at LCC and how many classes I was taking.  But again, God put people in my life who are walking this same road.  He gave us a home with a family who cares for our physical needs and gives us a chance to feel settled.  He has provided me with a husband who is open to communicating and trying new ways of connecting, when our traditional avenues are shot.  He has given me life-long friends who I don't need to put on airs for.  We can sit in sweats and cry and drink wine, or they watch Brady so I can cram for a test.  God has provided it all.

Yes, I am halfway through my first semester of classes, and there has been a lot of other learning that's gone on.  But it's not the important stuff.  Walks in the park with Brady, or making waffles on Saturday mornings... unplugging from my music to observe the life of the city in passing and times of rest with friends... I am seeing God more clearly in these things than ever.  That's what really matters.

Life After Athletico

I've tried to write this post on and off for the last month... and it seems that it's time for me to finally go ahead and do it.

After 8 years at Athletico Physical Therapy, I worked my last day on Friday.  I know that for those of you that talk to me on a regular basis, you are probably sick of hearing about the overwhelming amount of emotion I have around all of this... so thanks for bearing with me and supporting me.

I think about the role that this company has played in my life; I was hired and appreciated for being someone other than my parent's daughter.  My leadership and professional skills were honed and challenged.  I succeeded beyond what I thought was possible, and I am leaving with life-long friends.

Now I stand on the brink of the next phase of my life... my internship at Libertyville Covenant starts tomorrow, and school starts at the end of August.  And I am still so excited about and committed to both of those things!  It is so clear that this is the path God has placed our family on... and I love looking back and seeing the way that He's used the company and the people in Athletico to help guide us.

It seems important to my closure to share this (that may sound narcissistic, but I think that this really has all been so providential and it blows my mind), so I will!  I started at Athletico as an 18 year old after I tore my ACL my freshman year of college, and after completing rehab there, was offered a position.  Now mind you, I was a sociology major that had no experience in that field, and yet the manager at that facility saw something that he thought was worth hiring.  That became my second home during college, and helped pay my rent, food bills and gave me a social life outside the bubble that was North Park.  After graduation, I moved into a full-time administrative position that taught me a new skill set and really grew my abilities.  I looked into moving up into other roles after that, and for whatever reason, then never worked out.  I know now that it was God, very clearly directing my attention and energy into other areas.

Because I didn't have an interest in the medical field, I had to explore what it was that kept me happy there for so long... because I was (and still was, even as of Friday!)!  I loved being able to share life with my co-workers and patients.  It's one of the neatest things to see someone come in after a surgery, and be able to be that caring person for them in a potentially frightening situation.  I was able to share so much of our story with Brady, and how God was transcending previously set expectations, and hear similar things from hundreds of people.  I am deeply invested in my co-worker's joys and struggles... and even though my heart from them comes from Jesus' heart for me, I was able to live that rather than preach at them.  I was floored when a co-worker told me that she learned more about God through being friends with me than she's ever known before.  God is so good!  He uses EVERY situation.   I have learned so much more about God's character through all of the people I've come in contact with... because He created them all with a purpose that for the most part was so different than mine!

I'm not fearful of this next chapter of our story because I know that God's authority is crazy and so faithful.  I am sad to be missing the parts of every day life that come alongside being in the trenches with people... but I know that I always have my family at those clinics.  I feel so blessed to have walked away with such a profound and life-changing experience.  Not many people get to say that about their ex-employers.  So to all of you who have been in my life at Athletico, thank you.  You have changed me for the better, and I love you!

Our Aide crew during the glory days in college

Lauren and I doing what we did best... eat.

John, Amanda and I at a Niles function.

my first Christmas party!  I was so excited to dress up!

My Vernon Hills/Highland Park families, and my work mom/BFF  at my going away party.

Amy, from Highland Park, giving Brady his first haircut!

Neysa & I last weekend :)

Lizzie, Natella, Arman & Amanda

Alison, Maggie & I at Halloween one year. Gotta have fun at work!

Gene, my friend who mentored me and is now an MD!  So proud!

The Original Niles Crew.

Danielle and I at this year's corporate challenge.

Lauren & Liz came out to run with the Brady Bunch this year!

My first ever Athletico party.

Serving at Feed my Starving Children with my Vernon Hills Family.

And if you need ANY sort of PT or OT in the future, I would recommend them without a second thought :)

Changing Seasons

There are many things that I am thankful for about the fact the seasons are finally changing after a seemingly endless winter.  Running outside, tan lines, dining al fresco, open windows... I just feel closer to the person I was meant to be when I'm able to be outside and in the sun.  There are few places that compare to Chicago in the summer time, and I am so excited to be back there for it.

You probably know that Brad and I decided to embark on a new chapter in our lives as I'll be starting seminary in the fall at North Park. It's a decision that has been a long time coming... my roommate and I talked about it while we were sophomores in Anderson Hall!  I guess I never actually thought it would come to fruition.

My parents have graciously opened their home to us, so our little family is movin' in this month!  Our time in Waukegan has been wonderful (did you ever think I would say that?!), and it will hard to

A recent trip to Milwaukee

leave the townhouse we've been calling home.  I feel as though we've been able to breathe while here for the first time since Brady's been born.  He took his first steps, crawled up and down his first flights of stairs, ate real food, went in his first pool all while here- normal kid stuff that I just cherish so much!  He's going to be 2 years old next week, and we're celebrating with the Annual Gigi's Playhouse 5k Fun Run-come join us!

The path to this point was one that has been full of self-imposed road blocks, but God knocked all of them down.  Maybe I'll write about that at a later time, but the point is, this is where we are supposed to be.  In My Utmost for His Highest for today, Oswald Chambers writes, "God instructs us in what we choose; that is, He actually guides our common sense.  And we yield to His teachings and guidance, we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually asking, "Now, Lord, what is Your Will?"

I'm not going to say I'm not nervous.  I'm pretty much an emotional wreck when I think about leaving Athletico after almost 8 years, and the thought of living with my parents as a parent myself is pretty bizarre.  Yet, I find comfort in knowing with absolute certainty that I'm listening and acting according to God's call on my life.  And I guess most things that are worth anything always make us stretch the furthest.  Here goes nothin'!

Lights

I've always enjoyed the morning; there is a time when the sun isn't up yet, but the sky is starting to lighten and the details of scenery start to become more clear.  We are just starting to thaw out of what has seemed to be the longest winter ever, and the signs of spring are showing up in morning too... birds, breezes that have a smell instead of being sterile and dry... but the light is what makes the most impact.

Airplane!

One of the most incredible things about Brady is the light he brings in to every situation.  His smile takes over his face and it's so hard not to laugh when he giggles.  I know I'm probably partial, being his mother and all, but any time we are in public he seems to charm the people around us the same way!

Isn't it incredible the impact that one person can have?  Jesus impacted people just by being in relationship with them, and continues to seek us this same way.  He told his disciples what kind of role they were to play,

14"You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden;15nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.…(Matthew 5:14) .   

Some days, I am straight up broken.  It's really hard to be positive.  And yet, that's different than being a light, isn't it?  Jesus doesn't ask us to be perfect, to have it all together.  Brady sure doesn't- he's just a kid.  Yet, he has Joy that comes from something outside of socially influenced decisions.  I have Joy that comes from a certainty that I am loved and intended, and that is what drives my light.  Spring is the promise of warmth and newness... my prayer is that my life would be that as well.

wounds & healing

Go into the world showing how much He loves you.

Walk in the world in merciful ways-

He loves you.

He loves you!

This past weekend, I had the privilege of going with our Sr. High students from Libertyville Covenant Church to Covenant Point Bible Camp for a retreat.  CPBC has always been a special place for me, as well as many others... I was a camper there for years, and on staff for two during high school.   I hadn't been back since that summer of 2004 for a variety of reasons... but when we stepped off the bus a joy flooded my body.  It was such a visceral reaction that I wasn't expecting.  I recognized the reality that I had been running away when I last left;  returning would have meant that I would be held accountable for my actions that were so easy to justify when I wasn't in the presence of God's staggeringly pure light that pervades every aspect of camp life.  I wasn't just running from camp, but from who God was calling me to be.

It's been almost nine years, and I have been transformed.  This felt like coming full circle... I've been forgiven, reconciled and repaired, and now I was able to fully participate in this piece of God's work in this holy place.

I was talking with a girl who was on the retreat and she asked if I still had painful memories of the mistakes I've made.  I thought about it for a while and replied, "Well, no, not really... but I still have scars.  There were huge, gaping wounds in my life that I created by trying to live it the way I wanted. They were awful, bleeding sores."  She interjected, "But you were strong enough to heal them and be okay?"  "No," I said, "but God was."

It's so true!  God is a surgeon that comes into situations and not only heals us, but makes us functional again!  Maybe scars are there, but they don't stop us from performing our best, or in the case, better than before!  The quote from the beginning of this post is from a song by Jars of Clay, Benediction.  It's such a wonderful reminder of the call on our lives that is so simple to talk about, but so hard to practice all the time.  Being at places like CPBC are so life giving, and provide me with a wonderful reminder of what I've been brought out of, and how God is sending our family out.

My co-leader and friend Becca took this picture, and I thought the light really was beautiful!

PS:  If you missed Brady and I on ABC's local news story from their special needs correspondent, here's the link!

Seasons and Stations

You know when life gets really busy, and you look back and realize that it's now been months since the last time you stopped to just reflect?  That's been our life for the past few months!  Our time has been occupied by really wonderful things- and yet it's so important to me to be able to step back and look at what God has done in that time.   Maybe that's why people really like to write and receive Christmas letters... and if you've read my blog, you've stayed pretty up-to-date on our lives.  So let's use that as  the reason I didn't put one together, yet again.  Ha!

In looking at the work God has done this year, the theme that seems to reoccur is that of belonging.  I think that it's something that I've always struggled with; in high school I was broken from my insular existence and thrust in to a world where life wasn't fair, choices weren't as easy to make as they had previously been, and it was hard to see God in certain situations.  College wasn't much easier... even though I had always pictured myself ending up at North Park, my experience there was so different from the one my parents described to me.  I thought I saw people living that typical life... but I didn't fit into that mold.  I was a student- athlete, I was living in my home city but living on campus,  I had worked at camp for 2 years, I knew people from around the Covenant Church... and yet I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere!

Then moving here.  By the time I had graduated from North Park, I recognized my identity as a Christ-follower as the only one that had any power over my life.  When Brad and I moved to the suburbs, I began to live that out.  Separated from my friends of 20+ years and my family, Brad and I had to trust we were following God's leading.

It's been the best decision we've ever made.

I have been transformed and renewed in my relationship with God.  Our marriage is something completely different than what initially drew us together; it's become a partnership that fills me with gratitude and joy every day.  Our son is surrounded by people who understand our walk & struggle, and want to be in the trenches with us... whether or not they're Christians!

So we've had this season of enjoying life with our families and friends... and yet there has been this nudge, a knock, a pound... it's been telling us that we are supposed to be stretching even further than we ever thought possible.

There's a song by Switchfoot called "Where I Belong" that has really made an impact on me this year.  The artist is struggling with his place in this world, and how hard it is to exist here sometimes when our culture is pushing us into complacency, instead of revolution.  Some day, I believe we are going to be in that place where we belong, where we aren't living in temporary bodies or crying about atrocious genocides or devastating hurricanes.  I know that I am supposed to living out that hope and joy every. Single. Day.  And it's becoming clear what that's going to look like.  All signs have been directing way, and we'll let you know in the coming months what that means.  In the meantime, please just give us your prayers that God would continue to guide us and mark us for His works, whatever our station may be.


Merry Christmas!  We'll be taking a break on a cruise with Brad's family... Christmas by the pool?  Yes please!  We hope that you have time to reflect on the blessings in your life this past year, and enjoy time with whomever you spend the day with!

Thriving in times of peace

I've spent a lot of time reading and trying to be still lately, and I am so thankful for that gift.  There are always distractions that threaten to break in on any sides, and the constant connectivity that is both a blessing and curse really drives that for me.  It's taken quite a bit of discipline to not scroll through various feeds or read a blog that I've been meaning to catch up on... and yet I feel more content.

One of the things that I loved most about when Brady was first born were the mornings we would have when I was on maternity leave.  Brad would be sleeping and Brady and I would greet the sun as it rose over the building where we lived.  He would eat, I would have my coffee, he would snuggle... this little bundle that I didn't even really know a month before, and he trusted me more than anyone in the world.

We rested together.

Finding time with God is definitely harder than it used to be, and I suspect that it will only get harder, and yet I am reminded that I need to also have that rest with the One who has cared and provided for me more than anyone could.

The following are pictures from the Jr. High retreat that Brad and I went on with our church... a time of rest, even with 15 students!

Music

If you were to ask me about any of the pivotal moments in my life, I could probably name a song that was either playing in real life, or at least in my head.  Maybe it was the fact that my mom is an insane vocal talent or that my dad played Christian reggae music absurdly early on Saturday mornings (none of my girlfriends wanted to sleep over for that reason... not that I blame them!), but music still remains a way that I feel most connected to my emotions.

I went to a Stevie Wonder concert in Grant Park while I was in college, and and it was so incredible to see this horde of people singing, dancing... living... that music.  There were people of so many  races and economic classes that were sharing in this time together, and I think that might be what heaven is like.  Except that the focus of all of that energy will be on praising the Creator instead of faux-worshipping the artist performing, and then we won't be just connecting to our emotions, but to the source of those emotions!

I've gone through a lot of different musical phases... boy bands, hip hop and r &b, soul, a BRIEF country phase, some singer/songwriter stuff, certain classical composers... and yet it's just been recently that I've made a conscious decision to listen to Christian music more often.  Honestly, sometimes that's a battle.  I appreciate artists like Jars of Clay and Gungor that sing about their human weakness and struggles, and how even though they don't always feel it, they know that God is faithfully acting in their lives.  And they make beautiful music!  I get a little frustrated with the lack of production value in some Christian music.  Petty, I know.

All of this aside, I find that when I have music on that is either causing me to reflect on my relationship with God or my relationship with others as it stands as a Christ-follower, I am held further accountable;  my language, my words, my thoughts... they are relevant to my ability to be a witness.  I have to continue to throw those things off (Hebrews 12:1).  I continue to be thankful for the things that the Lord puts in my life to help raise my awareness of His presence in my life, and I pray that I continue to use those things as they were meant to be used.

It's pretty neat to watch Brady experience music now, with his brand new ears.  He and my mom are in a music class together on Mondays, and he apparently loves it!  You may have seen some of the movies that Brad and I have posted of him dancing; it's probably one of my favorite things ever.  How wonderful that God has created music to be enjoyed and danced to and LOVED by even the littlest of his creation.  Pretty great.

We can't wait to see what ways God continues to show up and bring joy to Brady's life!

Resting Together

As summer winds down, Brad heads back to school, Brady heads back to daycare and my afternoons and evenings get a little shorter and seemingly more full of the things that warms nights make it easy to neglect.  Our family just returned from a long week away from home; we went on a weekend retreat with our church family in Lake Geneva, followed by a week on Washington Island, WI.  It was a perfect bookend to our summer that, upon reflection, has really been a Sabbath for our family.

Brady's first Fest, in Lake Geneva

In studying more about Sabbath, and how it is used in scripture, it was a little funny to see how alike our need for activity was like that of the ancient Israelites.  While wandering the desert, the Lord provided food for them every day, and yet they still felt the need to go out on the day He told them to rest, not gather food.  He had said he'd take care of the 7th day, but there was still that drive to go and do it themselves (Exodus 16).

We're pretty similar, even as members of the Church.  We are focusing on doing God's work- loving God, loving others; putting God's plan into action... and that isn't bad- it's what we're commissioned to do as believers!  But it was so refreshing to rest with God's people this past week.  To be together and let our guards down a bit.  To step back and be thankful for provisions, for sunrises and lakes... for hummingbirds, legs that work and people that love our family.  For campfires, silly kiddos and people who got Brady to take naps.  These are just a fraction of the things that ran through my mind when I thought about the blessings that were made clear to me this week, and they instantly bring a sense of calm in any anxieties I might feel building in me about the coming school year.  The difference being, we've connected and established real relationships with people that will walk along side us while doing God's work and also rest alongside us in reflection of His goodness.

Abby & Brady

Washington Island has always been a special place for our family; my parents honeymooned here and we've come back almost every year that I can remember as a kid.  After Brad made it past the family inspections, he started coming with us, and we got engaged there 3 years ago.  This was Brady's second trip to the Island, but the last time was in the winter and there just isn't much that a 6 month old can do outside in Wisconsin in December.  There is absolutely no schedule, no cell service and no rush.  You can ride your bike most anywhere you need to go, and we're fortunate enough to be able to stay right on the water, so for my family, we don't go far!  My sisters and parents joined us for the week, and it was great to spend time together over food, drinks and games.  Now that we're all older, I love taking respite with them as well. 

Brady's first bike ride

This summer has been wonderful.  We've seen friends and family get married & have children.  We've had date nights and family nights.  We've gone away to seek God's face and been fortunate to see His handprint in our daily life.  Now that "real life" continues on, I am praying that we don't forget to take a Sabbath and recognize these same truths remain.  

Abby & Kelsey on the Washington Island Ferry

The lake was cold enough it could keep the wine chilled...

...but that didn't stop Brady from trying to get in!

Splash time with Grandma!

Grandpa & Brady

Sink Baths are the best!

Living in Two Realities

Psalm 40: 1-5

I waited patiently for the Lord;

   he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

  out of the mud and the mire;

he set my feet on a rock,

  and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

  a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

  and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man 

  who makes the Lord his trust;

who does not look to the proud,

  to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O Lord my God,

  are the wonders you have done

The things you planned for us

  no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

  they would be too many to declare.

Like I've mentioned countless times before, life with Brady is sure different than I pictured it being.  It isn't bad at all- God has shown up in ways that I know wouldn't have presented themselves if everything would have gone according to our plans.  And honestly, most of the time I'm not even aware of the fact that our life isn't "normal".  Then I'll get emails from "the bump", telling me about what milestones my child is probably tackling at 13 months.  Or get Brady's 12-month check up pre-evaluation form in the mail, where we have to rate how well he's able to perform certain social, communication or physical skills.  And I have to check off "not yet" more often than I would have thought.  That's when it really hits me and I start giving all of my insecurities shapes through my words and thoughts.  

I've always been pretty competitive, which I think is part of why this is such a challenge for me.  I'm so thrilled to hear about my friends' 8-month old that's walking, but part of me is crushed, knowing that Brady won't be there for a while.  Or when people tell me that it's good we started having kids early, because by the time our kid is ready to go to college, we'll still be young and want to have fun.  Except that there's a pretty high likely hood that Brady won't go to a traditional college.  Don't get me wrong- we WANT to know and celebrate with you and your little ones, so keep sharing!  These are just the thoughts that run through my very human and imperfect mind.

And yet, God is always there, putting these reminders in my path that we are right where we're supposed to be, and we're there with the perfect kid for it.  He is humbling my spirit, and slowly chipping away at my pride that was (and still is in many ways) based in things that this world values.  I am ecstatic to find Brady pulling himself up on couches and tables and chairs instead of fretting that he might hurt himself.  I don't care that he blows raspberries in my face when his mouth is full of some pureed gunk, because a) raspberries mean that he's using his mouth muscles to communicate something, ANYTHING, and b) he's eating and eating really well!  When Brad calls me at work to give me therapy updates from that day, I feel so lucky to be so informed about how we can work with our child to help him develop to his full potential. 

So, yes, our milestones are very different, and maybe if we have another child, I'll get to experience the other side of that coin.  But I'm very happy to be living in this present time and seeing God's plan for us unfold.

- Meghan

Brady and I at Covenant Harbor last weekend!

Brady's 1!

So, about a month ago, we celebrated Brady's first birthday.  What a day it was!  We were surrounded by friends and family as we ran and walked the Gigi's Playhouse 5k & 1 Mile Walk.  It was an incredible experience; there were so many people there who were walking along side of or in honor of, someone with Down Syndrome.  While I have definitely been made more aware of people who have been touched by DS, I haven't been able to visualize it quite like I did that day.

The Brady Bunch raised over $2300.  How incredible is that?!  I am blown away by the way that God is working through Brady's life.  My mom asked me tonight if I can believe this is my life... and honestly, if I stop and think about it, no, I can't.  But I couldn't imagine my life being as good without Brady.

I appreciate every little thing.  The fact that he's half-crawling now, after 7 months of PT.  The fact that since we've been working with his speech therapist, he's now eating real food and making strong consonant sounds.  The fact that he know what little phrases like, "hands up!", or "give me a kiss!" means.  I get it.  Every mom probably gets excited about these things, so I don't claim to be unique in that.  But I just feel like we work so hard, and it makes these little victories seem so profound.

I am reminded about what it means to live as a disciple of Christ daily.  There is an ability in our culture to live in a very self-centered way.  Having Brady kind of takes that away immediately.  Instead, I am aware of what it feels like to be marginalized, and forced to think outside of what I know.  All the time, I am relying on those around me who have carried us and lived out the Word.

It got me out of my comfort zone.  I miss the city every day.  Having to drive everywhere isn't my favorite, and it's easy to go from garage to work to garage and not have relationships along the way.  Thankfully, God didn't wire me that way, and He has put some of the most impactful people in our lives since we've moved to the 'burbs.  I have been stretched, challenged and grown more than almost any time in my life.  We moved because we were having a baby and I didn't want Brad to commute.  We're staying because it turns out God was in control of that decision the whole time and this is exactly where we're called to be right now.

So, thank you for all of you who have prayed us through our first year.  I would ask that you would pray for Sophia, a friend's baby who is in the NICU after being born 16 weeks early.  We know all to well what that feels like, and I have faith that the same Healer who placed His hand on Brady can do the same for her.

Here are some pictures from Brady's birthday weekend... enjoy!

The Brady Bunch!

The baseball team Brad coaches came out to run

Proud parents with a curious baby

He didn't hate it! (I made his shirt. Super cute, but embroidery is not easy on the fingers!)

All four of my grandparents (Brady's great grandparents) were able to come.
What a blessing!

I loved this cake from Lovin' Oven, a local cakery.  It was delish too!

The Brady Bunch

This week we’ve been enjoying spring!  Brady seems to really enjoy going for walks and loves looking around at what is going on around him.  I just like being able to soak up some sun and get out of the house!  Spring is so encouraging, as we see greenery pop up, the blue sky contrast with white clouds and let the warm breeze touch skin that has been hiding under layers of clothing for too long.  Everything feels more alive, and it makes me feel that way as well.  

About two and a half years ago, I was training for the Chicago Marathon with my dad when I injured myself playing church league softball and re-tore my ACL as well as tearing cartilage off the bone.  I was devastated, knowing that I couldn’t run the marathon in October, but having been through this before I thought I’d be able to handle it.  9 months into my rehab, I started running again and felt a crack through my knee.  My doctor told me that I’d never be able to run again, and that the only other option surgically was to shave my hip down to re-align my entire leg.  Not wanting to have that surgery, I tried to wrap my head around this new reality.  That was really the hardest time- giving up something that I loved to do because I couldn’t physically perform anymore.  I felt like a huge part of what made me happy was gone, and I just felt sorry for myself.  I tried different workouts, but none of them were as mentally and physically gratifying.  After Brady was born, it was a struggle enough for me to feel like I needed to get my baby weight off, but to not be able to run it off was so much harder.

A few months ago I was on the elliptical when I just felt so good, I thought, let’s just run and see how it feels.  Well, aside from being out of shape and a little stiff, it felt great! Now I run after work or on my lunch break in a forest preserve near my office; I feel as though I’ve reclaimed my time and have a calm that floods through the busy pace of a normal day...it’s so liberating!

Brady’s first birthday is coming up on June 10th.  This year has sort of felt like my two years without running; it hasn’t been awful, but it hasn’t been the greatest either.   We have been loved and blessed by a little boy, but sometimes it's hard to stay focused on the blessings in our life instead of the hard times that come with having expectations and schedules radically altered.  Now that we’re past his surgery though, and we’re really settling into a life in our new home, I feel so free!  I see such a difference in our happy little boy, and it’s incredibly encouraging.

We decided to run a 5k as a family the day before his birthday in support of GiGi’s Playhouse, a local Down syndrome awareness center.  They offer free classes and a community for families who are impacted by Down syndrome- Brady’s first playgroup is on May 15th!  We are so excited to get to know people who have walked this path ahead of us and to someday be in support of someone who might be in our same position.  If you’d like to join us for the walk/run on June 9th, we'd love to have you!  I’ve attached the link below- you can join The Brady Bunch (haha, corny, I know)!  If you can’t make the run, would you considering donating any amount of money?  GiGi’s Playhouse operates free of charge to families, which we really appreciate, given all of the extra costs Brady’s healthcare has incurred this year. 

I’m really excited for this run- my favorite pastime and my favorite little man?  There are few things on this earth that make me quite as happy!

Join The Brady Bunch!

A New Normal

Two years ago, my life looked like this: wake up at 4:45 am, go for a 10-12 mile run with my dad, go to work, go shopping or run errands or just hang out with my girlfriends, head to dinner or a bar for a few hours, maybe play in my Thursday evening sand volleyball league or a Tuesday night softball league, and go to bed.  Repeat.  In most regards, this was pretty sweet.  I was in the best shape ever, did what I wanted, spent my money on what I wanted and lived a carefree life.

Now, Brad and I wake up at 4:45 because that's when Brady gets up, juggle the responsibilities of getting both ourselves and Brady ready, get out the door, work, try to get in a quick 40 minute work out in (not so much running for me anymore, my knee won't allow that), make dinner, clean up the house, bathe Brady, get him to bed, and go to bed ourselves.  Now add random doctor's appointments and medication dispenses and you have our life for the past few months.  Not so glamorous.

It's been really hard to live in the suburbs; I don't have friends here that I can call to do little things like run to Target or grab coffee, and I struggle with what I need to do (or not do) for Brady's good... can I keep him out, even though it interferes with his nap schedule?  Is it ok to bring him around other people now?  Will he get sick again? 

Today was the first day that I felt normal.  I got up and ran a 5k with my dad in a suburb that was about halfway for both of us (and ran it pretty well!), went to church with Brad & Brady where I had a really wonderful conversation with another mom, came home and got some food ready for a function that got cancelled.  The Meghan of a few months ago probably would have tried to get things done, played with Brady at home and waited for Brad to get home... and not-so-secretly resenting him for being gone coaching.  But Brady was feeling great, the sun was shining, and I stopped feeling sorry for myself.  We went to the park and on a really long walk and I just felt free.

I understand that there are going to be times when life once again seems too heavy to carry, when people tell us that our son isn't normal... but our perspectives of normal shift all the time, don't they?  I am just glad that we have a healthy little 10 month old, a marriage that is being strengthened all the time and sunny days coming our way.  Everything else is what you make of it, and I'm happy to try to make it the best.

Living Through the Ordinary Times

It seems as though I haven't posted in forever... life goes by so quickly these days! After a successful post-op visit with Brady's cardiac surgery team, he has been cleared! No more visits with that group of doctors, and pending anything crazy, he should be able to just keep growing! It was such a relief to leave and not have the next thing waiting for us. I drove with Brady on northbound Lake Shore Drive at noon on Thursday, and there was such promise in the air. The sun was so bright, and all of the Chicagoans who have had to trudge through this oh-so-long winter were filling up the lakefront path. I said a prayer of thanks, and was content.

Entering back into the day to day of work, baseball practices, day care and life isn't something I'm dreading. I am aware of however, of how easily that routine breaks down the spiritual life that has been breaking through every crevice as we have walked this extraordinary road for the last 10 months. As I've said before, it's easy to rely on God when there isn't anything else to do. Yet, I find that my mindset, language, intent, my being, is being changed through this too...and I don't want to let that slip away.

I bought a book recently about enacting spiritual practices in my life ("Authentic: Developing the Disciplines of a Sincere Faith", by James MacDonald"), which is something that I don't actually have too much background in. When I was growing up, that wasn't something that was developed in me- at no ones fault, it just wasn't part of what was taught. At dinner with a friend last night, he said that a Catholic had shared with him (regarding the daily practices that may seem rote & without meaning to those outside the church) that they help carry you through the valleys and protect you from crashing on the peaks. I'm excited to have God teach, grow and restructure me to a faith that is steady and true.

We would love to hear your stories about developing your faith in the "normal" times... I've been so encouraged by the ways God's people have mobilized and shared through this whole ordeal, and I'd hate for it to stop now!

And please- if there are ways we can specifically pray for you, let us know.

Until next time!

Quiet Love

“Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And yet, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders…” (1 Thessalonians 4:9-12a)

Since we have been such frequent occupants of room 1510 at Lurie Children’s Hospital these past few months, we’ve been able to form relationships with quite a few of the nurses on the Cardiac floor. It’s something that I’ve really enjoyed, because I tend to love getting to know people and I know that my day goes faster when I have someone to talk to! It’s also something of a discipline for me, as I know how easy it would be to just get wrapped up in a book or game on my iPad and just shut those people out. It definitely takes less work and energy, and I won’t lie- sometimes my brain just needs that mindless distraction. Yet, Paul’s encouragement to the Thessalonians as they press on in love is a good reminder to me in these times as well.

My parents and teachers through the years have done a wonderful job of teaching me what it means to love people, and how that is reflecting the true face of Christ. Having been on the receiving end of a whole lot of love recently, it’s been quite a lesson of how love isn’t the way that the world portrays it. Love doesn’t mean big, showy gestures, sometimes it just means a well-timed hug or word of encouragement, or a hot cup of coffee. Love means really inquiring into a person’s well-being, and being willing to listen while they are honest with you...and not inserting your opinion at the end of the conversation. Love is remembering those details later.

We have had the opportunity to get to know Brady’s caretakers pretty well; 12 hours in a row with a person is ample time to accomplish that if you’re willing. There were obvious moments when our faith was on display for these people (when our friends, family & clergy came to pray over Brady), and ways that we did so without realizing (a doctor told us that we were handling this situation with such grace, and our faith was evident through it all). Through out all of it, Paul’s words ring true. Our work as followers of Christ is to love and to do so without ceasing so that our model for love is reflected in everything we do. Every situation is an opportunity for impact, and all we have to do is keep our actions and hearts focused on our ability to love.

Brady will probably come home today-they have had some questions about his oxygen saturation while he sleeps, but they may just have us come back for a sleep study later, as it’s not a highly concerning matter. We’ll have 4 ½ weeks of pretty strict precautions, but it just is huge relief to be done... to not have the next thing on the horizon, a huge unknown looming ahead. Now, it’s hopefully just the normal parenting stresses, you know, adding speech and occupational therapy to his physical therapy. Sarcasm aside, we look forward to watching Brady’s growth as we go through his first spring and come up on his first birthday! It is just a blessing to feel so free, and we are going to soak it up as much as possible!

Out of the Woods

Brady yesterday afternoon, post-op.

Yesterday, Brady had the surgical procedure to close the hole in his heart.  We came to our second home at Lurie Children's Hospital in the early morning, and it wasn't until we were sitting in his pre-op room that the gravity of the situation hit me.  While I wasn't nervous about the procedure, the fact that they were going to cut his chest open and operate on his heart is a big deal.  Even more than that, we had no idea what to expect for recovery.  Was he going to be in pain from the procedure afterwards?  How would we be able to hold him, feed him, bathe him, stop him from rolling around?  

It's funny how worry sneaks up on us.  I had been pretty calm the week heading into the surgery.  We were able to focus on the daily task of living, instead of looking too far forward.  Being a control freak, I think that's how I handle things sometimes; by focusing on the things I can control, I am able to keep my stress levels down.  But the future... I can't control the future.  Yet, what good does worrying do me?

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25-33)

Brady this morning!  Sleeping well!

How true!  God's faithfulness to our family has been evident in His caring for our needs! Physically, we have a room at the Ronald McDonald House- SO nice.  It's a gorgeous facility with everything you could think of needing! Emotionally, you have all contacted us and prayed with us.  Those messages are so encouraging!  Spiritually, we have time to rest in God's grace and in the silence that sitting in hospital rooms provide.  Financially, we have seen a tremendous outpouring of support from both of our places of work.  Last week, I was completely humbled to receive notice that some of my co-workers wanted to donate their paid time off to our family.  This would help provide for us during this time that I've spent off caring for Brady.  Although we were trusting that God would take care of our financial situation, it was flooring to feel that need being taken on by friends (and even some strangers) who wanted to rally around us in our time of need.  He has taken care of us- just not in ways we had expected!  It really is incredible.

Brady's procedure went off without a hitch; he is doing really well!  His numbers are all perfect, he came off the ventilator last night, and is breathing room air as we speak!  He has been eating really well and will be coming off even more of the support today.  There is a chance that we could go home as soon as Monday or Tuesday (although I'm not counting on it- I don't want to get my hopes up!), which seems like a quick jaunt compared to our last stay!

Once again, our fears have been allayed, and I wonder why I doubt that God can take care of anything at all.  I suppose that's part of our imperfect humanity.  If I am able to impart only one thing from this post, I hope that you feel the peace that we feel today, as we have felt the steadfast hand of God touch our lives and heal our little boy.

Again, thank you for your prayers and well wishes- they mean so much to us!