Living in Two Realities

Psalm 40: 1-5

I waited patiently for the Lord;

   he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

  out of the mud and the mire;

he set my feet on a rock,

  and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

  a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

  and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man 

  who makes the Lord his trust;

who does not look to the proud,

  to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O Lord my God,

  are the wonders you have done

The things you planned for us

  no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

  they would be too many to declare.

Like I've mentioned countless times before, life with Brady is sure different than I pictured it being.  It isn't bad at all- God has shown up in ways that I know wouldn't have presented themselves if everything would have gone according to our plans.  And honestly, most of the time I'm not even aware of the fact that our life isn't "normal".  Then I'll get emails from "the bump", telling me about what milestones my child is probably tackling at 13 months.  Or get Brady's 12-month check up pre-evaluation form in the mail, where we have to rate how well he's able to perform certain social, communication or physical skills.  And I have to check off "not yet" more often than I would have thought.  That's when it really hits me and I start giving all of my insecurities shapes through my words and thoughts.  

I've always been pretty competitive, which I think is part of why this is such a challenge for me.  I'm so thrilled to hear about my friends' 8-month old that's walking, but part of me is crushed, knowing that Brady won't be there for a while.  Or when people tell me that it's good we started having kids early, because by the time our kid is ready to go to college, we'll still be young and want to have fun.  Except that there's a pretty high likely hood that Brady won't go to a traditional college.  Don't get me wrong- we WANT to know and celebrate with you and your little ones, so keep sharing!  These are just the thoughts that run through my very human and imperfect mind.

And yet, God is always there, putting these reminders in my path that we are right where we're supposed to be, and we're there with the perfect kid for it.  He is humbling my spirit, and slowly chipping away at my pride that was (and still is in many ways) based in things that this world values.  I am ecstatic to find Brady pulling himself up on couches and tables and chairs instead of fretting that he might hurt himself.  I don't care that he blows raspberries in my face when his mouth is full of some pureed gunk, because a) raspberries mean that he's using his mouth muscles to communicate something, ANYTHING, and b) he's eating and eating really well!  When Brad calls me at work to give me therapy updates from that day, I feel so lucky to be so informed about how we can work with our child to help him develop to his full potential. 

So, yes, our milestones are very different, and maybe if we have another child, I'll get to experience the other side of that coin.  But I'm very happy to be living in this present time and seeing God's plan for us unfold.

- Meghan

Brady and I at Covenant Harbor last weekend!