Thriving in times of peace

I've spent a lot of time reading and trying to be still lately, and I am so thankful for that gift.  There are always distractions that threaten to break in on any sides, and the constant connectivity that is both a blessing and curse really drives that for me.  It's taken quite a bit of discipline to not scroll through various feeds or read a blog that I've been meaning to catch up on... and yet I feel more content.

One of the things that I loved most about when Brady was first born were the mornings we would have when I was on maternity leave.  Brad would be sleeping and Brady and I would greet the sun as it rose over the building where we lived.  He would eat, I would have my coffee, he would snuggle... this little bundle that I didn't even really know a month before, and he trusted me more than anyone in the world.

We rested together.

Finding time with God is definitely harder than it used to be, and I suspect that it will only get harder, and yet I am reminded that I need to also have that rest with the One who has cared and provided for me more than anyone could.

The following are pictures from the Jr. High retreat that Brad and I went on with our church... a time of rest, even with 15 students!

Music

If you were to ask me about any of the pivotal moments in my life, I could probably name a song that was either playing in real life, or at least in my head.  Maybe it was the fact that my mom is an insane vocal talent or that my dad played Christian reggae music absurdly early on Saturday mornings (none of my girlfriends wanted to sleep over for that reason... not that I blame them!), but music still remains a way that I feel most connected to my emotions.

I went to a Stevie Wonder concert in Grant Park while I was in college, and and it was so incredible to see this horde of people singing, dancing... living... that music.  There were people of so many  races and economic classes that were sharing in this time together, and I think that might be what heaven is like.  Except that the focus of all of that energy will be on praising the Creator instead of faux-worshipping the artist performing, and then we won't be just connecting to our emotions, but to the source of those emotions!

I've gone through a lot of different musical phases... boy bands, hip hop and r &b, soul, a BRIEF country phase, some singer/songwriter stuff, certain classical composers... and yet it's just been recently that I've made a conscious decision to listen to Christian music more often.  Honestly, sometimes that's a battle.  I appreciate artists like Jars of Clay and Gungor that sing about their human weakness and struggles, and how even though they don't always feel it, they know that God is faithfully acting in their lives.  And they make beautiful music!  I get a little frustrated with the lack of production value in some Christian music.  Petty, I know.

All of this aside, I find that when I have music on that is either causing me to reflect on my relationship with God or my relationship with others as it stands as a Christ-follower, I am held further accountable;  my language, my words, my thoughts... they are relevant to my ability to be a witness.  I have to continue to throw those things off (Hebrews 12:1).  I continue to be thankful for the things that the Lord puts in my life to help raise my awareness of His presence in my life, and I pray that I continue to use those things as they were meant to be used.

It's pretty neat to watch Brady experience music now, with his brand new ears.  He and my mom are in a music class together on Mondays, and he apparently loves it!  You may have seen some of the movies that Brad and I have posted of him dancing; it's probably one of my favorite things ever.  How wonderful that God has created music to be enjoyed and danced to and LOVED by even the littlest of his creation.  Pretty great.

We can't wait to see what ways God continues to show up and bring joy to Brady's life!

Resting Together

As summer winds down, Brad heads back to school, Brady heads back to daycare and my afternoons and evenings get a little shorter and seemingly more full of the things that warms nights make it easy to neglect.  Our family just returned from a long week away from home; we went on a weekend retreat with our church family in Lake Geneva, followed by a week on Washington Island, WI.  It was a perfect bookend to our summer that, upon reflection, has really been a Sabbath for our family.

Brady's first Fest, in Lake Geneva

In studying more about Sabbath, and how it is used in scripture, it was a little funny to see how alike our need for activity was like that of the ancient Israelites.  While wandering the desert, the Lord provided food for them every day, and yet they still felt the need to go out on the day He told them to rest, not gather food.  He had said he'd take care of the 7th day, but there was still that drive to go and do it themselves (Exodus 16).

We're pretty similar, even as members of the Church.  We are focusing on doing God's work- loving God, loving others; putting God's plan into action... and that isn't bad- it's what we're commissioned to do as believers!  But it was so refreshing to rest with God's people this past week.  To be together and let our guards down a bit.  To step back and be thankful for provisions, for sunrises and lakes... for hummingbirds, legs that work and people that love our family.  For campfires, silly kiddos and people who got Brady to take naps.  These are just a fraction of the things that ran through my mind when I thought about the blessings that were made clear to me this week, and they instantly bring a sense of calm in any anxieties I might feel building in me about the coming school year.  The difference being, we've connected and established real relationships with people that will walk along side us while doing God's work and also rest alongside us in reflection of His goodness.

Abby & Brady

Washington Island has always been a special place for our family; my parents honeymooned here and we've come back almost every year that I can remember as a kid.  After Brad made it past the family inspections, he started coming with us, and we got engaged there 3 years ago.  This was Brady's second trip to the Island, but the last time was in the winter and there just isn't much that a 6 month old can do outside in Wisconsin in December.  There is absolutely no schedule, no cell service and no rush.  You can ride your bike most anywhere you need to go, and we're fortunate enough to be able to stay right on the water, so for my family, we don't go far!  My sisters and parents joined us for the week, and it was great to spend time together over food, drinks and games.  Now that we're all older, I love taking respite with them as well. 

Brady's first bike ride

This summer has been wonderful.  We've seen friends and family get married & have children.  We've had date nights and family nights.  We've gone away to seek God's face and been fortunate to see His handprint in our daily life.  Now that "real life" continues on, I am praying that we don't forget to take a Sabbath and recognize these same truths remain.  

Abby & Kelsey on the Washington Island Ferry

The lake was cold enough it could keep the wine chilled...

...but that didn't stop Brady from trying to get in!

Splash time with Grandma!

Grandpa & Brady

Sink Baths are the best!

Living in Two Realities

Psalm 40: 1-5

I waited patiently for the Lord;

   he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

  out of the mud and the mire;

he set my feet on a rock,

  and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

  a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

  and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man 

  who makes the Lord his trust;

who does not look to the proud,

  to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O Lord my God,

  are the wonders you have done

The things you planned for us

  no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

  they would be too many to declare.

Like I've mentioned countless times before, life with Brady is sure different than I pictured it being.  It isn't bad at all- God has shown up in ways that I know wouldn't have presented themselves if everything would have gone according to our plans.  And honestly, most of the time I'm not even aware of the fact that our life isn't "normal".  Then I'll get emails from "the bump", telling me about what milestones my child is probably tackling at 13 months.  Or get Brady's 12-month check up pre-evaluation form in the mail, where we have to rate how well he's able to perform certain social, communication or physical skills.  And I have to check off "not yet" more often than I would have thought.  That's when it really hits me and I start giving all of my insecurities shapes through my words and thoughts.  

I've always been pretty competitive, which I think is part of why this is such a challenge for me.  I'm so thrilled to hear about my friends' 8-month old that's walking, but part of me is crushed, knowing that Brady won't be there for a while.  Or when people tell me that it's good we started having kids early, because by the time our kid is ready to go to college, we'll still be young and want to have fun.  Except that there's a pretty high likely hood that Brady won't go to a traditional college.  Don't get me wrong- we WANT to know and celebrate with you and your little ones, so keep sharing!  These are just the thoughts that run through my very human and imperfect mind.

And yet, God is always there, putting these reminders in my path that we are right where we're supposed to be, and we're there with the perfect kid for it.  He is humbling my spirit, and slowly chipping away at my pride that was (and still is in many ways) based in things that this world values.  I am ecstatic to find Brady pulling himself up on couches and tables and chairs instead of fretting that he might hurt himself.  I don't care that he blows raspberries in my face when his mouth is full of some pureed gunk, because a) raspberries mean that he's using his mouth muscles to communicate something, ANYTHING, and b) he's eating and eating really well!  When Brad calls me at work to give me therapy updates from that day, I feel so lucky to be so informed about how we can work with our child to help him develop to his full potential. 

So, yes, our milestones are very different, and maybe if we have another child, I'll get to experience the other side of that coin.  But I'm very happy to be living in this present time and seeing God's plan for us unfold.

- Meghan

Brady and I at Covenant Harbor last weekend!

Brady's 1!

So, about a month ago, we celebrated Brady's first birthday.  What a day it was!  We were surrounded by friends and family as we ran and walked the Gigi's Playhouse 5k & 1 Mile Walk.  It was an incredible experience; there were so many people there who were walking along side of or in honor of, someone with Down Syndrome.  While I have definitely been made more aware of people who have been touched by DS, I haven't been able to visualize it quite like I did that day.

The Brady Bunch raised over $2300.  How incredible is that?!  I am blown away by the way that God is working through Brady's life.  My mom asked me tonight if I can believe this is my life... and honestly, if I stop and think about it, no, I can't.  But I couldn't imagine my life being as good without Brady.

I appreciate every little thing.  The fact that he's half-crawling now, after 7 months of PT.  The fact that since we've been working with his speech therapist, he's now eating real food and making strong consonant sounds.  The fact that he know what little phrases like, "hands up!", or "give me a kiss!" means.  I get it.  Every mom probably gets excited about these things, so I don't claim to be unique in that.  But I just feel like we work so hard, and it makes these little victories seem so profound.

I am reminded about what it means to live as a disciple of Christ daily.  There is an ability in our culture to live in a very self-centered way.  Having Brady kind of takes that away immediately.  Instead, I am aware of what it feels like to be marginalized, and forced to think outside of what I know.  All the time, I am relying on those around me who have carried us and lived out the Word.

It got me out of my comfort zone.  I miss the city every day.  Having to drive everywhere isn't my favorite, and it's easy to go from garage to work to garage and not have relationships along the way.  Thankfully, God didn't wire me that way, and He has put some of the most impactful people in our lives since we've moved to the 'burbs.  I have been stretched, challenged and grown more than almost any time in my life.  We moved because we were having a baby and I didn't want Brad to commute.  We're staying because it turns out God was in control of that decision the whole time and this is exactly where we're called to be right now.

So, thank you for all of you who have prayed us through our first year.  I would ask that you would pray for Sophia, a friend's baby who is in the NICU after being born 16 weeks early.  We know all to well what that feels like, and I have faith that the same Healer who placed His hand on Brady can do the same for her.

Here are some pictures from Brady's birthday weekend... enjoy!

The Brady Bunch!

The baseball team Brad coaches came out to run

Proud parents with a curious baby

He didn't hate it! (I made his shirt. Super cute, but embroidery is not easy on the fingers!)

All four of my grandparents (Brady's great grandparents) were able to come.
What a blessing!

I loved this cake from Lovin' Oven, a local cakery.  It was delish too!

The Brady Bunch

This week we’ve been enjoying spring!  Brady seems to really enjoy going for walks and loves looking around at what is going on around him.  I just like being able to soak up some sun and get out of the house!  Spring is so encouraging, as we see greenery pop up, the blue sky contrast with white clouds and let the warm breeze touch skin that has been hiding under layers of clothing for too long.  Everything feels more alive, and it makes me feel that way as well.  

About two and a half years ago, I was training for the Chicago Marathon with my dad when I injured myself playing church league softball and re-tore my ACL as well as tearing cartilage off the bone.  I was devastated, knowing that I couldn’t run the marathon in October, but having been through this before I thought I’d be able to handle it.  9 months into my rehab, I started running again and felt a crack through my knee.  My doctor told me that I’d never be able to run again, and that the only other option surgically was to shave my hip down to re-align my entire leg.  Not wanting to have that surgery, I tried to wrap my head around this new reality.  That was really the hardest time- giving up something that I loved to do because I couldn’t physically perform anymore.  I felt like a huge part of what made me happy was gone, and I just felt sorry for myself.  I tried different workouts, but none of them were as mentally and physically gratifying.  After Brady was born, it was a struggle enough for me to feel like I needed to get my baby weight off, but to not be able to run it off was so much harder.

A few months ago I was on the elliptical when I just felt so good, I thought, let’s just run and see how it feels.  Well, aside from being out of shape and a little stiff, it felt great! Now I run after work or on my lunch break in a forest preserve near my office; I feel as though I’ve reclaimed my time and have a calm that floods through the busy pace of a normal day...it’s so liberating!

Brady’s first birthday is coming up on June 10th.  This year has sort of felt like my two years without running; it hasn’t been awful, but it hasn’t been the greatest either.   We have been loved and blessed by a little boy, but sometimes it's hard to stay focused on the blessings in our life instead of the hard times that come with having expectations and schedules radically altered.  Now that we’re past his surgery though, and we’re really settling into a life in our new home, I feel so free!  I see such a difference in our happy little boy, and it’s incredibly encouraging.

We decided to run a 5k as a family the day before his birthday in support of GiGi’s Playhouse, a local Down syndrome awareness center.  They offer free classes and a community for families who are impacted by Down syndrome- Brady’s first playgroup is on May 15th!  We are so excited to get to know people who have walked this path ahead of us and to someday be in support of someone who might be in our same position.  If you’d like to join us for the walk/run on June 9th, we'd love to have you!  I’ve attached the link below- you can join The Brady Bunch (haha, corny, I know)!  If you can’t make the run, would you considering donating any amount of money?  GiGi’s Playhouse operates free of charge to families, which we really appreciate, given all of the extra costs Brady’s healthcare has incurred this year. 

I’m really excited for this run- my favorite pastime and my favorite little man?  There are few things on this earth that make me quite as happy!

Join The Brady Bunch!

A New Normal

Two years ago, my life looked like this: wake up at 4:45 am, go for a 10-12 mile run with my dad, go to work, go shopping or run errands or just hang out with my girlfriends, head to dinner or a bar for a few hours, maybe play in my Thursday evening sand volleyball league or a Tuesday night softball league, and go to bed.  Repeat.  In most regards, this was pretty sweet.  I was in the best shape ever, did what I wanted, spent my money on what I wanted and lived a carefree life.

Now, Brad and I wake up at 4:45 because that's when Brady gets up, juggle the responsibilities of getting both ourselves and Brady ready, get out the door, work, try to get in a quick 40 minute work out in (not so much running for me anymore, my knee won't allow that), make dinner, clean up the house, bathe Brady, get him to bed, and go to bed ourselves.  Now add random doctor's appointments and medication dispenses and you have our life for the past few months.  Not so glamorous.

It's been really hard to live in the suburbs; I don't have friends here that I can call to do little things like run to Target or grab coffee, and I struggle with what I need to do (or not do) for Brady's good... can I keep him out, even though it interferes with his nap schedule?  Is it ok to bring him around other people now?  Will he get sick again? 

Today was the first day that I felt normal.  I got up and ran a 5k with my dad in a suburb that was about halfway for both of us (and ran it pretty well!), went to church with Brad & Brady where I had a really wonderful conversation with another mom, came home and got some food ready for a function that got cancelled.  The Meghan of a few months ago probably would have tried to get things done, played with Brady at home and waited for Brad to get home... and not-so-secretly resenting him for being gone coaching.  But Brady was feeling great, the sun was shining, and I stopped feeling sorry for myself.  We went to the park and on a really long walk and I just felt free.

I understand that there are going to be times when life once again seems too heavy to carry, when people tell us that our son isn't normal... but our perspectives of normal shift all the time, don't they?  I am just glad that we have a healthy little 10 month old, a marriage that is being strengthened all the time and sunny days coming our way.  Everything else is what you make of it, and I'm happy to try to make it the best.