Honesty in Our Relationships

The following in a piece I wrote for our November Newsletter at church.  I read it again when it came out, and I was struck by a few things.  Our family just suffered a loss of my great-uncle, and so I was able to mourn and celebrate his life with them this weekend.  Family and friends came from all over the world to recognize Chuck's life.  One thing that really stuck out to me during his service was how close his family was.  His widow, children and grandchildren were all surrounding him- and they did that in unity.  It also gave my immediate family a reason to get together, and in spending time with everyone, I realized how unity looks different with different relationships.  Blood relations are a blessing most of the time in my life, and I realize how fortunate I am to have that.  However, I think that when we choose to invest in those relationships, the way that we do with friends made outside of those familial ties, there are now new requirements of them.  It's no longer enough to be family- we need to recognize the need and commonality we share in our willingness to be vulnerable and accountable to and with one another.  Hence my tie-in to the newsletter article.  How does one navigate the role of family and relationship in a professed-Christian context?  The "should-be" versus the "how it is" tends to show up very differently here.

"On our Jr. High retreat this fall, we talked about what our relationships look like with nature, God and each other.  It was crazy to see how introducing a single wolf species back into Yellowstone National Park changed not only the food chain, but the river and water structures in the park.  We then learned about our relationship with God changes the landscape of our lives- and in the most important ways, with our relationships with each other.  The biggest take away there was that we need to feel completely comfortable with one another- be our true selves- so that we can work together to do Kingdom work!  While this is definitely challenging for middle and high school students, it's still hard for us as adults.  The last speaker asked us to identify what it is in our lives that holds us back from being honest with our fellow believers... what is it for you? Are we fearful of being judged?  Jesus calls us to love (Matt. 7:1-29).  Are we not willing to be held accountable?  Paul tells us that we are to do that as brothers and sisters in Christ (Gal.6:1-5).  Do we think we need to be strong enough, or put together enough, to weather life alone? We are a part of the same body.  If we believe that we are working in God's project of redemption for this world and all people, then we have to do it together. 

"For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body." - 1 Corinthians 12: 12-22

We need each other, in our brokenness and our hurt, just as much as in our wholeness and strength.  So what is it that is holding you back from honest, accountable and growing relationships with your brothers and sisters?  Are you willing to admit to those withholds and  begin to try to live in to an authentic relationships with the members of this church?  If we can't do that with one another, who else can we do that with?

This journey to authentic community is what we are striving towards in our youth groups this year, but I would ask the church as a whole to consider what this looks like for us as well.  It is challenging, but it is good work, and we aren't alone.  Our sustaining God is the support that makes this journey bearable, and he places each other in our lives for a reason.  Let us participate in that fully!"

Thoughts? 

Being Stretched

Well, our family is about a month into this seminary/youth ministry/living-as-an-adult-with-your parents thing... and it is something else!

I have never felt as alive as I feel in my studies.  The affirmation that God injects into my day and my classes lets me know that I am doing the right thing.  And lets me know how little I know!  That was actually one of the things I was really looking forward to prior to heading to school... the lack of knowledge.   I thought that it might just let God work in way that I couldn't predict. Before I left for school, a few friends made a joke about a theologian, but I had no idea who they were talking about, and started to get quite self-conscious about how little I knew.  Was I going to be in way over my head?  So here are some things I have learned:

My small view of God is completely inadequate.  God is bigger than anything I could ever comprehend.  He is reflected in every person we come across, in every piece of creation and has His hand in everything that provides real sustenance and joy.  God will never fit into some neat story, and I'm never going to figure him out all the way, but I can forever live in His world and continue to seek out new facets of his character.

God has me working with students during this time for a reason.  When this started in the summer, I felt like I was just doing this out of the need that the church had, and I knew I could fill it.  Brian Z.  saw something different... and so did Brad.   The students that I have the privilage of getting to know give me such confidence in the fact that God continues to work.  They are compassionate and smart and witty and trying to find out who God is calling them to be.  How they fit in to his project.  I learn so much from walking through life with them!  Who knows if this is a door into something bigger, or if it's just a gifting I've received during this season... but I love it!

I couldn't do this alone.  We recognized pretty quickly how much this was going to be... and not just from the bug-eyes I got from second or third-years when I told them how many hours I was at LCC and how many classes I was taking.  But again, God put people in my life who are walking this same road.  He gave us a home with a family who cares for our physical needs and gives us a chance to feel settled.  He has provided me with a husband who is open to communicating and trying new ways of connecting, when our traditional avenues are shot.  He has given me life-long friends who I don't need to put on airs for.  We can sit in sweats and cry and drink wine, or they watch Brady so I can cram for a test.  God has provided it all.

Yes, I am halfway through my first semester of classes, and there has been a lot of other learning that's gone on.  But it's not the important stuff.  Walks in the park with Brady, or making waffles on Saturday mornings... unplugging from my music to observe the life of the city in passing and times of rest with friends... I am seeing God more clearly in these things than ever.  That's what really matters.

Life After Athletico

I've tried to write this post on and off for the last month... and it seems that it's time for me to finally go ahead and do it.

After 8 years at Athletico Physical Therapy, I worked my last day on Friday.  I know that for those of you that talk to me on a regular basis, you are probably sick of hearing about the overwhelming amount of emotion I have around all of this... so thanks for bearing with me and supporting me.

I think about the role that this company has played in my life; I was hired and appreciated for being someone other than my parent's daughter.  My leadership and professional skills were honed and challenged.  I succeeded beyond what I thought was possible, and I am leaving with life-long friends.

Now I stand on the brink of the next phase of my life... my internship at Libertyville Covenant starts tomorrow, and school starts at the end of August.  And I am still so excited about and committed to both of those things!  It is so clear that this is the path God has placed our family on... and I love looking back and seeing the way that He's used the company and the people in Athletico to help guide us.

It seems important to my closure to share this (that may sound narcissistic, but I think that this really has all been so providential and it blows my mind), so I will!  I started at Athletico as an 18 year old after I tore my ACL my freshman year of college, and after completing rehab there, was offered a position.  Now mind you, I was a sociology major that had no experience in that field, and yet the manager at that facility saw something that he thought was worth hiring.  That became my second home during college, and helped pay my rent, food bills and gave me a social life outside the bubble that was North Park.  After graduation, I moved into a full-time administrative position that taught me a new skill set and really grew my abilities.  I looked into moving up into other roles after that, and for whatever reason, then never worked out.  I know now that it was God, very clearly directing my attention and energy into other areas.

Because I didn't have an interest in the medical field, I had to explore what it was that kept me happy there for so long... because I was (and still was, even as of Friday!)!  I loved being able to share life with my co-workers and patients.  It's one of the neatest things to see someone come in after a surgery, and be able to be that caring person for them in a potentially frightening situation.  I was able to share so much of our story with Brady, and how God was transcending previously set expectations, and hear similar things from hundreds of people.  I am deeply invested in my co-worker's joys and struggles... and even though my heart from them comes from Jesus' heart for me, I was able to live that rather than preach at them.  I was floored when a co-worker told me that she learned more about God through being friends with me than she's ever known before.  God is so good!  He uses EVERY situation.   I have learned so much more about God's character through all of the people I've come in contact with... because He created them all with a purpose that for the most part was so different than mine!

I'm not fearful of this next chapter of our story because I know that God's authority is crazy and so faithful.  I am sad to be missing the parts of every day life that come alongside being in the trenches with people... but I know that I always have my family at those clinics.  I feel so blessed to have walked away with such a profound and life-changing experience.  Not many people get to say that about their ex-employers.  So to all of you who have been in my life at Athletico, thank you.  You have changed me for the better, and I love you!

Our Aide crew during the glory days in college

Lauren and I doing what we did best... eat.

John, Amanda and I at a Niles function.

my first Christmas party!  I was so excited to dress up!

My Vernon Hills/Highland Park families, and my work mom/BFF  at my going away party.

Amy, from Highland Park, giving Brady his first haircut!

Neysa & I last weekend :)

Lizzie, Natella, Arman & Amanda

Alison, Maggie & I at Halloween one year. Gotta have fun at work!

Gene, my friend who mentored me and is now an MD!  So proud!

The Original Niles Crew.

Danielle and I at this year's corporate challenge.

Lauren & Liz came out to run with the Brady Bunch this year!

My first ever Athletico party.

Serving at Feed my Starving Children with my Vernon Hills Family.

And if you need ANY sort of PT or OT in the future, I would recommend them without a second thought :)

Changing Seasons

There are many things that I am thankful for about the fact the seasons are finally changing after a seemingly endless winter.  Running outside, tan lines, dining al fresco, open windows... I just feel closer to the person I was meant to be when I'm able to be outside and in the sun.  There are few places that compare to Chicago in the summer time, and I am so excited to be back there for it.

You probably know that Brad and I decided to embark on a new chapter in our lives as I'll be starting seminary in the fall at North Park. It's a decision that has been a long time coming... my roommate and I talked about it while we were sophomores in Anderson Hall!  I guess I never actually thought it would come to fruition.

My parents have graciously opened their home to us, so our little family is movin' in this month!  Our time in Waukegan has been wonderful (did you ever think I would say that?!), and it will hard to

A recent trip to Milwaukee

leave the townhouse we've been calling home.  I feel as though we've been able to breathe while here for the first time since Brady's been born.  He took his first steps, crawled up and down his first flights of stairs, ate real food, went in his first pool all while here- normal kid stuff that I just cherish so much!  He's going to be 2 years old next week, and we're celebrating with the Annual Gigi's Playhouse 5k Fun Run-come join us!

The path to this point was one that has been full of self-imposed road blocks, but God knocked all of them down.  Maybe I'll write about that at a later time, but the point is, this is where we are supposed to be.  In My Utmost for His Highest for today, Oswald Chambers writes, "God instructs us in what we choose; that is, He actually guides our common sense.  And we yield to His teachings and guidance, we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually asking, "Now, Lord, what is Your Will?"

I'm not going to say I'm not nervous.  I'm pretty much an emotional wreck when I think about leaving Athletico after almost 8 years, and the thought of living with my parents as a parent myself is pretty bizarre.  Yet, I find comfort in knowing with absolute certainty that I'm listening and acting according to God's call on my life.  And I guess most things that are worth anything always make us stretch the furthest.  Here goes nothin'!

Lights

I've always enjoyed the morning; there is a time when the sun isn't up yet, but the sky is starting to lighten and the details of scenery start to become more clear.  We are just starting to thaw out of what has seemed to be the longest winter ever, and the signs of spring are showing up in morning too... birds, breezes that have a smell instead of being sterile and dry... but the light is what makes the most impact.

Airplane!

One of the most incredible things about Brady is the light he brings in to every situation.  His smile takes over his face and it's so hard not to laugh when he giggles.  I know I'm probably partial, being his mother and all, but any time we are in public he seems to charm the people around us the same way!

Isn't it incredible the impact that one person can have?  Jesus impacted people just by being in relationship with them, and continues to seek us this same way.  He told his disciples what kind of role they were to play,

14"You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden;15nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.…(Matthew 5:14) .   

Some days, I am straight up broken.  It's really hard to be positive.  And yet, that's different than being a light, isn't it?  Jesus doesn't ask us to be perfect, to have it all together.  Brady sure doesn't- he's just a kid.  Yet, he has Joy that comes from something outside of socially influenced decisions.  I have Joy that comes from a certainty that I am loved and intended, and that is what drives my light.  Spring is the promise of warmth and newness... my prayer is that my life would be that as well.

wounds & healing

Go into the world showing how much He loves you.

Walk in the world in merciful ways-

He loves you.

He loves you!

This past weekend, I had the privilege of going with our Sr. High students from Libertyville Covenant Church to Covenant Point Bible Camp for a retreat.  CPBC has always been a special place for me, as well as many others... I was a camper there for years, and on staff for two during high school.   I hadn't been back since that summer of 2004 for a variety of reasons... but when we stepped off the bus a joy flooded my body.  It was such a visceral reaction that I wasn't expecting.  I recognized the reality that I had been running away when I last left;  returning would have meant that I would be held accountable for my actions that were so easy to justify when I wasn't in the presence of God's staggeringly pure light that pervades every aspect of camp life.  I wasn't just running from camp, but from who God was calling me to be.

It's been almost nine years, and I have been transformed.  This felt like coming full circle... I've been forgiven, reconciled and repaired, and now I was able to fully participate in this piece of God's work in this holy place.

I was talking with a girl who was on the retreat and she asked if I still had painful memories of the mistakes I've made.  I thought about it for a while and replied, "Well, no, not really... but I still have scars.  There were huge, gaping wounds in my life that I created by trying to live it the way I wanted. They were awful, bleeding sores."  She interjected, "But you were strong enough to heal them and be okay?"  "No," I said, "but God was."

It's so true!  God is a surgeon that comes into situations and not only heals us, but makes us functional again!  Maybe scars are there, but they don't stop us from performing our best, or in the case, better than before!  The quote from the beginning of this post is from a song by Jars of Clay, Benediction.  It's such a wonderful reminder of the call on our lives that is so simple to talk about, but so hard to practice all the time.  Being at places like CPBC are so life giving, and provide me with a wonderful reminder of what I've been brought out of, and how God is sending our family out.

My co-leader and friend Becca took this picture, and I thought the light really was beautiful!

PS:  If you missed Brady and I on ABC's local news story from their special needs correspondent, here's the link!

Seasons and Stations

You know when life gets really busy, and you look back and realize that it's now been months since the last time you stopped to just reflect?  That's been our life for the past few months!  Our time has been occupied by really wonderful things- and yet it's so important to me to be able to step back and look at what God has done in that time.   Maybe that's why people really like to write and receive Christmas letters... and if you've read my blog, you've stayed pretty up-to-date on our lives.  So let's use that as  the reason I didn't put one together, yet again.  Ha!

In looking at the work God has done this year, the theme that seems to reoccur is that of belonging.  I think that it's something that I've always struggled with; in high school I was broken from my insular existence and thrust in to a world where life wasn't fair, choices weren't as easy to make as they had previously been, and it was hard to see God in certain situations.  College wasn't much easier... even though I had always pictured myself ending up at North Park, my experience there was so different from the one my parents described to me.  I thought I saw people living that typical life... but I didn't fit into that mold.  I was a student- athlete, I was living in my home city but living on campus,  I had worked at camp for 2 years, I knew people from around the Covenant Church... and yet I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere!

Then moving here.  By the time I had graduated from North Park, I recognized my identity as a Christ-follower as the only one that had any power over my life.  When Brad and I moved to the suburbs, I began to live that out.  Separated from my friends of 20+ years and my family, Brad and I had to trust we were following God's leading.

It's been the best decision we've ever made.

I have been transformed and renewed in my relationship with God.  Our marriage is something completely different than what initially drew us together; it's become a partnership that fills me with gratitude and joy every day.  Our son is surrounded by people who understand our walk & struggle, and want to be in the trenches with us... whether or not they're Christians!

So we've had this season of enjoying life with our families and friends... and yet there has been this nudge, a knock, a pound... it's been telling us that we are supposed to be stretching even further than we ever thought possible.

There's a song by Switchfoot called "Where I Belong" that has really made an impact on me this year.  The artist is struggling with his place in this world, and how hard it is to exist here sometimes when our culture is pushing us into complacency, instead of revolution.  Some day, I believe we are going to be in that place where we belong, where we aren't living in temporary bodies or crying about atrocious genocides or devastating hurricanes.  I know that I am supposed to living out that hope and joy every. Single. Day.  And it's becoming clear what that's going to look like.  All signs have been directing way, and we'll let you know in the coming months what that means.  In the meantime, please just give us your prayers that God would continue to guide us and mark us for His works, whatever our station may be.


Merry Christmas!  We'll be taking a break on a cruise with Brad's family... Christmas by the pool?  Yes please!  We hope that you have time to reflect on the blessings in your life this past year, and enjoy time with whomever you spend the day with!