Changing Seasons

There are many things that I am thankful for about the fact the seasons are finally changing after a seemingly endless winter.  Running outside, tan lines, dining al fresco, open windows... I just feel closer to the person I was meant to be when I'm able to be outside and in the sun.  There are few places that compare to Chicago in the summer time, and I am so excited to be back there for it.

You probably know that Brad and I decided to embark on a new chapter in our lives as I'll be starting seminary in the fall at North Park. It's a decision that has been a long time coming... my roommate and I talked about it while we were sophomores in Anderson Hall!  I guess I never actually thought it would come to fruition.

My parents have graciously opened their home to us, so our little family is movin' in this month!  Our time in Waukegan has been wonderful (did you ever think I would say that?!), and it will hard to

A recent trip to Milwaukee

leave the townhouse we've been calling home.  I feel as though we've been able to breathe while here for the first time since Brady's been born.  He took his first steps, crawled up and down his first flights of stairs, ate real food, went in his first pool all while here- normal kid stuff that I just cherish so much!  He's going to be 2 years old next week, and we're celebrating with the Annual Gigi's Playhouse 5k Fun Run-come join us!

The path to this point was one that has been full of self-imposed road blocks, but God knocked all of them down.  Maybe I'll write about that at a later time, but the point is, this is where we are supposed to be.  In My Utmost for His Highest for today, Oswald Chambers writes, "God instructs us in what we choose; that is, He actually guides our common sense.  And we yield to His teachings and guidance, we no longer hinder His Spirit by continually asking, "Now, Lord, what is Your Will?"

I'm not going to say I'm not nervous.  I'm pretty much an emotional wreck when I think about leaving Athletico after almost 8 years, and the thought of living with my parents as a parent myself is pretty bizarre.  Yet, I find comfort in knowing with absolute certainty that I'm listening and acting according to God's call on my life.  And I guess most things that are worth anything always make us stretch the furthest.  Here goes nothin'!

Lights

I've always enjoyed the morning; there is a time when the sun isn't up yet, but the sky is starting to lighten and the details of scenery start to become more clear.  We are just starting to thaw out of what has seemed to be the longest winter ever, and the signs of spring are showing up in morning too... birds, breezes that have a smell instead of being sterile and dry... but the light is what makes the most impact.

Airplane!

One of the most incredible things about Brady is the light he brings in to every situation.  His smile takes over his face and it's so hard not to laugh when he giggles.  I know I'm probably partial, being his mother and all, but any time we are in public he seems to charm the people around us the same way!

Isn't it incredible the impact that one person can have?  Jesus impacted people just by being in relationship with them, and continues to seek us this same way.  He told his disciples what kind of role they were to play,

14"You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden;15nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.…(Matthew 5:14) .   

Some days, I am straight up broken.  It's really hard to be positive.  And yet, that's different than being a light, isn't it?  Jesus doesn't ask us to be perfect, to have it all together.  Brady sure doesn't- he's just a kid.  Yet, he has Joy that comes from something outside of socially influenced decisions.  I have Joy that comes from a certainty that I am loved and intended, and that is what drives my light.  Spring is the promise of warmth and newness... my prayer is that my life would be that as well.

wounds & healing

Go into the world showing how much He loves you.

Walk in the world in merciful ways-

He loves you.

He loves you!

This past weekend, I had the privilege of going with our Sr. High students from Libertyville Covenant Church to Covenant Point Bible Camp for a retreat.  CPBC has always been a special place for me, as well as many others... I was a camper there for years, and on staff for two during high school.   I hadn't been back since that summer of 2004 for a variety of reasons... but when we stepped off the bus a joy flooded my body.  It was such a visceral reaction that I wasn't expecting.  I recognized the reality that I had been running away when I last left;  returning would have meant that I would be held accountable for my actions that were so easy to justify when I wasn't in the presence of God's staggeringly pure light that pervades every aspect of camp life.  I wasn't just running from camp, but from who God was calling me to be.

It's been almost nine years, and I have been transformed.  This felt like coming full circle... I've been forgiven, reconciled and repaired, and now I was able to fully participate in this piece of God's work in this holy place.

I was talking with a girl who was on the retreat and she asked if I still had painful memories of the mistakes I've made.  I thought about it for a while and replied, "Well, no, not really... but I still have scars.  There were huge, gaping wounds in my life that I created by trying to live it the way I wanted. They were awful, bleeding sores."  She interjected, "But you were strong enough to heal them and be okay?"  "No," I said, "but God was."

It's so true!  God is a surgeon that comes into situations and not only heals us, but makes us functional again!  Maybe scars are there, but they don't stop us from performing our best, or in the case, better than before!  The quote from the beginning of this post is from a song by Jars of Clay, Benediction.  It's such a wonderful reminder of the call on our lives that is so simple to talk about, but so hard to practice all the time.  Being at places like CPBC are so life giving, and provide me with a wonderful reminder of what I've been brought out of, and how God is sending our family out.

My co-leader and friend Becca took this picture, and I thought the light really was beautiful!

PS:  If you missed Brady and I on ABC's local news story from their special needs correspondent, here's the link!

Seasons and Stations

You know when life gets really busy, and you look back and realize that it's now been months since the last time you stopped to just reflect?  That's been our life for the past few months!  Our time has been occupied by really wonderful things- and yet it's so important to me to be able to step back and look at what God has done in that time.   Maybe that's why people really like to write and receive Christmas letters... and if you've read my blog, you've stayed pretty up-to-date on our lives.  So let's use that as  the reason I didn't put one together, yet again.  Ha!

In looking at the work God has done this year, the theme that seems to reoccur is that of belonging.  I think that it's something that I've always struggled with; in high school I was broken from my insular existence and thrust in to a world where life wasn't fair, choices weren't as easy to make as they had previously been, and it was hard to see God in certain situations.  College wasn't much easier... even though I had always pictured myself ending up at North Park, my experience there was so different from the one my parents described to me.  I thought I saw people living that typical life... but I didn't fit into that mold.  I was a student- athlete, I was living in my home city but living on campus,  I had worked at camp for 2 years, I knew people from around the Covenant Church... and yet I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere!

Then moving here.  By the time I had graduated from North Park, I recognized my identity as a Christ-follower as the only one that had any power over my life.  When Brad and I moved to the suburbs, I began to live that out.  Separated from my friends of 20+ years and my family, Brad and I had to trust we were following God's leading.

It's been the best decision we've ever made.

I have been transformed and renewed in my relationship with God.  Our marriage is something completely different than what initially drew us together; it's become a partnership that fills me with gratitude and joy every day.  Our son is surrounded by people who understand our walk & struggle, and want to be in the trenches with us... whether or not they're Christians!

So we've had this season of enjoying life with our families and friends... and yet there has been this nudge, a knock, a pound... it's been telling us that we are supposed to be stretching even further than we ever thought possible.

There's a song by Switchfoot called "Where I Belong" that has really made an impact on me this year.  The artist is struggling with his place in this world, and how hard it is to exist here sometimes when our culture is pushing us into complacency, instead of revolution.  Some day, I believe we are going to be in that place where we belong, where we aren't living in temporary bodies or crying about atrocious genocides or devastating hurricanes.  I know that I am supposed to living out that hope and joy every. Single. Day.  And it's becoming clear what that's going to look like.  All signs have been directing way, and we'll let you know in the coming months what that means.  In the meantime, please just give us your prayers that God would continue to guide us and mark us for His works, whatever our station may be.


Merry Christmas!  We'll be taking a break on a cruise with Brad's family... Christmas by the pool?  Yes please!  We hope that you have time to reflect on the blessings in your life this past year, and enjoy time with whomever you spend the day with!

Thriving in times of peace

I've spent a lot of time reading and trying to be still lately, and I am so thankful for that gift.  There are always distractions that threaten to break in on any sides, and the constant connectivity that is both a blessing and curse really drives that for me.  It's taken quite a bit of discipline to not scroll through various feeds or read a blog that I've been meaning to catch up on... and yet I feel more content.

One of the things that I loved most about when Brady was first born were the mornings we would have when I was on maternity leave.  Brad would be sleeping and Brady and I would greet the sun as it rose over the building where we lived.  He would eat, I would have my coffee, he would snuggle... this little bundle that I didn't even really know a month before, and he trusted me more than anyone in the world.

We rested together.

Finding time with God is definitely harder than it used to be, and I suspect that it will only get harder, and yet I am reminded that I need to also have that rest with the One who has cared and provided for me more than anyone could.

The following are pictures from the Jr. High retreat that Brad and I went on with our church... a time of rest, even with 15 students!

Music

If you were to ask me about any of the pivotal moments in my life, I could probably name a song that was either playing in real life, or at least in my head.  Maybe it was the fact that my mom is an insane vocal talent or that my dad played Christian reggae music absurdly early on Saturday mornings (none of my girlfriends wanted to sleep over for that reason... not that I blame them!), but music still remains a way that I feel most connected to my emotions.

I went to a Stevie Wonder concert in Grant Park while I was in college, and and it was so incredible to see this horde of people singing, dancing... living... that music.  There were people of so many  races and economic classes that were sharing in this time together, and I think that might be what heaven is like.  Except that the focus of all of that energy will be on praising the Creator instead of faux-worshipping the artist performing, and then we won't be just connecting to our emotions, but to the source of those emotions!

I've gone through a lot of different musical phases... boy bands, hip hop and r &b, soul, a BRIEF country phase, some singer/songwriter stuff, certain classical composers... and yet it's just been recently that I've made a conscious decision to listen to Christian music more often.  Honestly, sometimes that's a battle.  I appreciate artists like Jars of Clay and Gungor that sing about their human weakness and struggles, and how even though they don't always feel it, they know that God is faithfully acting in their lives.  And they make beautiful music!  I get a little frustrated with the lack of production value in some Christian music.  Petty, I know.

All of this aside, I find that when I have music on that is either causing me to reflect on my relationship with God or my relationship with others as it stands as a Christ-follower, I am held further accountable;  my language, my words, my thoughts... they are relevant to my ability to be a witness.  I have to continue to throw those things off (Hebrews 12:1).  I continue to be thankful for the things that the Lord puts in my life to help raise my awareness of His presence in my life, and I pray that I continue to use those things as they were meant to be used.

It's pretty neat to watch Brady experience music now, with his brand new ears.  He and my mom are in a music class together on Mondays, and he apparently loves it!  You may have seen some of the movies that Brad and I have posted of him dancing; it's probably one of my favorite things ever.  How wonderful that God has created music to be enjoyed and danced to and LOVED by even the littlest of his creation.  Pretty great.

We can't wait to see what ways God continues to show up and bring joy to Brady's life!

Resting Together

As summer winds down, Brad heads back to school, Brady heads back to daycare and my afternoons and evenings get a little shorter and seemingly more full of the things that warms nights make it easy to neglect.  Our family just returned from a long week away from home; we went on a weekend retreat with our church family in Lake Geneva, followed by a week on Washington Island, WI.  It was a perfect bookend to our summer that, upon reflection, has really been a Sabbath for our family.

Brady's first Fest, in Lake Geneva

In studying more about Sabbath, and how it is used in scripture, it was a little funny to see how alike our need for activity was like that of the ancient Israelites.  While wandering the desert, the Lord provided food for them every day, and yet they still felt the need to go out on the day He told them to rest, not gather food.  He had said he'd take care of the 7th day, but there was still that drive to go and do it themselves (Exodus 16).

We're pretty similar, even as members of the Church.  We are focusing on doing God's work- loving God, loving others; putting God's plan into action... and that isn't bad- it's what we're commissioned to do as believers!  But it was so refreshing to rest with God's people this past week.  To be together and let our guards down a bit.  To step back and be thankful for provisions, for sunrises and lakes... for hummingbirds, legs that work and people that love our family.  For campfires, silly kiddos and people who got Brady to take naps.  These are just a fraction of the things that ran through my mind when I thought about the blessings that were made clear to me this week, and they instantly bring a sense of calm in any anxieties I might feel building in me about the coming school year.  The difference being, we've connected and established real relationships with people that will walk along side us while doing God's work and also rest alongside us in reflection of His goodness.

Abby & Brady

Washington Island has always been a special place for our family; my parents honeymooned here and we've come back almost every year that I can remember as a kid.  After Brad made it past the family inspections, he started coming with us, and we got engaged there 3 years ago.  This was Brady's second trip to the Island, but the last time was in the winter and there just isn't much that a 6 month old can do outside in Wisconsin in December.  There is absolutely no schedule, no cell service and no rush.  You can ride your bike most anywhere you need to go, and we're fortunate enough to be able to stay right on the water, so for my family, we don't go far!  My sisters and parents joined us for the week, and it was great to spend time together over food, drinks and games.  Now that we're all older, I love taking respite with them as well. 

Brady's first bike ride

This summer has been wonderful.  We've seen friends and family get married & have children.  We've had date nights and family nights.  We've gone away to seek God's face and been fortunate to see His handprint in our daily life.  Now that "real life" continues on, I am praying that we don't forget to take a Sabbath and recognize these same truths remain.  

Abby & Kelsey on the Washington Island Ferry

The lake was cold enough it could keep the wine chilled...

...but that didn't stop Brady from trying to get in!

Splash time with Grandma!

Grandpa & Brady

Sink Baths are the best!